Get help for your abusive behaviour

Are you worried about your behaviour towards your partner? 
Have you been violent or abusive? 
Is your relationship suffering because of your behaviour? 
Is your partner ever scared of or intimidated by you?

Recognising you are abusive

It can be tough facing up to difficult problems and facing up honestly to the things you have done. You might have done some things only once or twice, but in many cases you'll notice that there is a pattern to the abusive things you do. By making yourself more aware of your abusive behaviour it will become easier to make changes and stop.

Recognising the effects on your family

You may not realise the devastating effect that violence and abuse has on children. Even if your children haven't seen you being violent or abusive, it is almost certain that they will have overheard things and felt the tension. Imagine how terrifying it is to hear your mother or father being abused, not to know how it will end, and not to be able to stop it.

Your children may be directly hurt, caught in the cross fire or have intervened to protect your partner.

Take responsibility

You need to take responsibility for your behaviour and stop blaming your actions on your partner or anything else such as drugs, alcohol or stress. It is up to you what you do and how you behave.

Choose to stop

Your abuse is your decision. It's a choice that you have made from the many different options open to you and you can choose differently. If you want to build a loving relationship, not one based on fear, you need to make changes. Just because you've been violent in the past does not mean you have to be violent ever again. Choose to stop.

Only you can address and change the situation. Only you can choose to stop being violent and abusive.

Research shows that perpetrators will typically justify or ignore their behaviour by:

  • minimising the violence (for example, "it was just a slap", "what's the big deal?”)
  • justifying the behaviour to themselves and blaming the victim
  • denying the violence happened or refusing to talk about it

Seek help

Plain Talking (Bracknell)

A free one to one support service for men and women who recognise that their behaviour in their relationship is becoming, or has become, problematic and need support to make positive, healthy and long term change.

You will get 6 one to one sessions to talk about what’s going on for you before things go too far; a chance to step back, learn and recognise the behaviours and thinking that have become a part of how you live and relate to those close to you.

An investment of your time now could give you the support and space you need to help you play your part in developing a healthy, respectful and long relationship as a husband, wife or parent.

All sessions are one to one with an experienced practitioner who will work with you to explore the areas of life that you are experiencing difficulty in. Our goal is to provide you with support and a reflective space to develop better options for positively managing the times where it can be difficult to think straight.

Some of the areas we may talk about include:

  • perspective taking
  • identifying ‘trigger points’
  • communication skills
  • conflict resolution
  • respectful negotiation and positive assertiveness
  • emotional regulation

We can tailor the support to suit your specific needs because one size doesn’t fit all. 

Contact the Community Safety service on or leave us a message on our answerphone 01344 352999.

Respect Phoneline (national)

Contact the Respect Phoneline on 0808 802 4040. They will talk to you about what you can do to have a non abusive relationship or signpost you to a Community Programme that will work with you to change.